Are bedtime battles driving you crazy?

If bedtime feels like a nightly fight, it’s usually a sign your child’s body or mind doesn’t feel ready for sleep or safe enough to relax. A calm, predictable routine helps both of you stay regulated and turn chaos into connection.

What to do, step by step:

1. Decide on a simple bedtime routine.
   
   • For example:
     
     • Bath
       
     • Pajamas
       
     • Brush teeth
       
     • One book
       
     • Hugs and lights out
       
2. Create a visual chart.
   
   • Draw or print simple pictures for each step.
     
   • Put it where your child can see it (on the wall near their bed or bathroom).
     
3. Give a gentle bedtime warning.
   
   • 20 minutes before bed, say:
     
     • “In 20 minutes, we start bedtime.”
       
   • 10 minutes later, say:
     
     • “In 10 minutes, toys go to sleep and we start our routine.”
       
4. Stay calm and slow.
   
   • Walk, don’t rush.
     
   • Use a softer voice than usual to send the message: “It’s time to wind down.”
     
5. Turn each step into a mini-ritual.
   
   • Bath: “We’re washing off the day.”
     
   • Pajamas: “Let’s put on our cozy sleep armor.”
     
   • Teeth: “Let’s brush the sugar bugs away.”
     
6. Limit the number of books or bedtime requests.
   
   • Decide ahead: “We read one book tonight.”
     
   • When asked for more, repeat calmly:
     
     • “I know you want more. I love reading with you. We’ll read more tomorrow.”
       
7. Use connection right before lights out.
   
   • Offer a hug, kiss, or gentle back rub.
     
   • Say something reassuring:
     
     • “You’re safe. I’m right here if you need me.”
       
8. Respond calmly to protests.
   
   • If they cry or argue, acknowledge the feeling:
     
     • “You’re upset that bedtime is here. It’s okay to feel sad.”
       
   • Keep your boundary:
     
     • “It’s still time for sleep. I’ll stay with you for a few minutes.”
       
9. Repeat the same routine every night.
   
   • Consistency teaches your child what to expect.
     
   • Over time, their body starts to relax as soon as the routine begins.