Why does my child always talk back?

Talking back is often a sign that a child feels powerless, overwhelmed, or unheard. Instead of seeing it as disrespect only, treat it as a clue that they’re drowning in big feelings and need help expressing them more respectfully.

What to do, step by step:

1. Pause instead of reacting.
   
   • When they snap or roll their eyes, take a breath.
     
   • Tell yourself: “This is a signal, not an attack.”
     
2. Keep your face and voice calm.
   
   • Soften your expression.
     
   • Speak slower and lower instead of louder.
     
3. Name what you see without shaming.
   
   • “Your voice sounds really angry.”
     
   • “You seem frustrated about what I just said.”
     
4. Show curiosity about the feeling.
   
   • Ask: “What’s going on for you right now?”
     
   • Or: “Can you tell me why that made you upset?”
     
5. Set a clear boundary on tone.
   
   • “I want to hear you, but I can’t when you talk to me like that.”
     
   • “Let’s try again in a calmer voice, and I’ll listen.”
     
6. Offer a “redo.”
   
   • Say: “Let’s rewind. Try telling me that again with respectful words.”
     
   • Praise the redo: “Thank you—that was a much better way to say it.”
     
7. Check if they need something.
   
   • Ask: “Do you feel like I’m not listening?”
     
   • “Are you feeling like things are unfair right now?”
     
8. Validate the feeling, not the behavior.
   
   • “I get that you’re mad about turning off the TV. That’s a real feeling.”
     
   • “It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to be hurtful with your words.”
     
9. Later, problem-solve together.
   
   • Ask: “Next time you feel this upset, what are some respectful ways you can tell me?”
     
   • Together, create 2–3 phrases they can use instead, like:
     
     • “I’m really upset about that.”
     • “That feels unfair to me.”