My toddler throws tantrums nonstop — what should I do?

Tantrums are not your toddler trying to “control” you; they are your toddler’s brain saying, “This is too much for me.” The goal is not to stop every tantrum, but to stay calm, keep them safe, and help them move through it without shame.

What to do, step by step:

1. Remind yourself what’s happening.
   
   • Silently think: “This is a nervous system overload, not bad behavior.”
     
   • This helps you stay calmer and less reactive.
     
2. Check for safety.
   
   • Move any hard, sharp, or dangerous objects away.
     
   • If needed, gently guide them to a safer spot.
     
3. Stay physically near.
   
   • Sit or stand a couple of feet away.
     
   • Avoid leaving them alone if they’re very upset, unless you’re about to explode and they’re safe.
     
4. Keep your voice soft and simple.
   
   • Say very short phrases:
     
     • “You’re really upset.”
       
     • “I’m here.”
       
     • “You’re safe.”
       
5. Don’t try to reason during the peak of the tantrum.
   
   • Their thinking brain is “offline.”
     
   • Save explanations and lessons for later, after they’ve calmed down.
     
6. Offer physical comfort if they want it.
   
   • Gently open your arms and say: “Do you want a hug?”
     
   • If they say no or push you away, say: “Okay, I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
     
7. Wait for the wave to pass.
   
   • Breathe slowly and focus on relaxing your shoulders.
     
   • Think of yourself as the “anchor” in the storm.
     
8. When they start calming, help them name the feeling.
   
   • “You were really mad because we had to leave the park.”
     
   • “You felt sad when I said no to the candy.”
     
9. Offer a simple next step.
   
   • “Do you want water?”
     
   • “Should we sit and read a book?”
     
   • “Let’s take three big dragon breaths together.”
     
10. Later (not immediately), gently teach.
    

• “Next time you feel that mad, you can stomp your feet or squeeze your bear instead of hitting.”
• Practice it when they’re calm, like a game.