How do I stop yelling when I’m exhausted?

When you’re tired, stressed, and overwhelmed, yelling can feel automatic. But yelling usually comes from your nervous system being overloaded, not from you being a “bad parent.” The goal is to catch yourself earlier and give yourself a calmer script to follow.

What to do, step by step:

1. Notice your early warning signs.
   
   • Tight chest, clenched jaw, fast heartbeat, feeling hot, racing thoughts.
     
   • Silently say: “I’m getting close to yelling.”
     
2. Step away for a few seconds if it’s safe.
   
   • If your child is safe, walk into the next room.
     
   • If not, take one step back and turn your body slightly away for a moment.
     
3. Do a quick “reset” breath.
   
   • Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
     
   • Hold for 2 seconds.
     
   • Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds.
     
   • Repeat 3 times.
     
4. Use a simple calming phrase to yourself.
   
   • “I can handle this.”
     
   • “I don’t have to yell to be heard.”
     
   • “Slow is safe.”
     
5. Return with a clear, calm statement.
   
   • Kneel or get eye-level.
     
   • Say: “I was starting to feel really frustrated. I’m ready to talk calmly now.”
     
6. State the limit in a short sentence.
   
   • “Toys stay on the floor, not thrown.”
     
   • “We speak kindly in this house.”
     
7. If you do end up yelling, repair afterward.
   
   • When you’re both calm, say:
     
     • “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t fair to you.”
       
     • “I’m practicing using a calmer voice, just like I ask you to.”
       
8. Plan one small support for yourself daily.
   
   • 5 minutes alone, a cup of tea, a walk outside, a shower, stretching.
     
   • Caring for your nervous system makes yelling less likely.