Why does my child lie?

Lying usually comes from fear—fear of getting in trouble, disappointing you, or losing something they care about. Instead of focusing only on the lie, focus on making the truth safe.

What to do, step by step:

1. Pause and stay calm when you notice a lie.
   
   • Take a breath before reacting.
     
   • Tell yourself: “This is fear talking.”
     
2. Avoid calling them a “liar.”
   
   • That becomes a shame identity.
     
   • Focus on the behavior: “You weren’t honest about this.”
     
3. Give them a chance to correct.
   
   • Say: “I’m going to ask you again, and I want you to feel safe telling me the truth.”
     
   • Then ask simply: “What really happened?”
     
4. Thank them when they tell the truth, even if it’s hard.
   
   • “Thank you for being honest. I know that wasn’t easy.”
     
5. Keep consequences reasonable and calm.
   
   • If something was broken, they help clean up or fix it.
     
   • If they misused something, they lose access for a short, clear time.
     
6. Explain why honesty matters.
   
   • “When you tell me the truth, I know I can trust you. That trust gives you more freedom.”
     
7. Show that honesty leads to support, not just punishment.
   
   • “You told me you forgot your homework. Let’s figure out how to help you remember next time.”
     
8. Model honesty yourself.
   
   • Admit when you make mistakes: “I forgot to do that today. I’m sorry.”
     
   • Your transparency teaches them it’s safe to be honest.
     
9. Talk about lying when everyone is calm.
   
   • Use simple examples: “If you spill juice and tell me, I can help. If you hide it, it gets sticky and harder.”
     
10. Reassure them of your unconditional love.
    

• “There is nothing you can tell me that will make me stop loving you. I might be upset, but I’ll always help you.”