How can I help my shy child make friends?

Shyness is not something to “fix.” It’s a different way of warming up to the world. Your job is to respect their pace, support small steps, and create safe social practice.

What to do, step by step:

1. Normalize their temperament.
   
   • Tell them: “Some people jump in fast. Some people take time. Both are okay.”
     
2. Avoid labeling them in front of others.
   
   • Instead of saying, “She’s so shy,” say, “She likes to warm up slowly.”
     
3. Practice social situations at home.
   
   • Role-play saying “Hi, my name is ___.”
     
   • Practice asking: “Do you want to play?”
     
4. Start with one-on-one playdates.
   
   • Invite one calm, kind child at a time, not big groups.
     
   • Keep playdates short at first (1–2 hours).
     
5. Stay nearby at first.
   
   • Let your child know you’re close: “I’ll be right over there if you need me.”
     
   • As they warm up, you can slowly give them more space.
     
6. Never force them to talk.
   
   • If they hide behind you, gently say:
     
     • “They’re not ready to talk yet, and that’s okay.”
       
   • This shows you’re on their side.
     
7. Celebrate tiny brave moments.
   
   • “I saw you wave at that kid—that was really brave.”
     
   • Focus on effort, not outcome (“You tried to say hello, that matters.”).
     
8. Give them simple phrases they can use.
   
   • “Can I play?”
     
   • “Do you want to build with me?”
     
9. After social events, debrief gently.
   
   • Ask: “What felt good? What felt hard?”
     
   • Listen more than you talk.
     
10. Keep your expectations realistic.
    

• Progress may be slow, but steady.
  
• Your acceptance makes them feel safe in who they are.